13 February, 2011

NFIMBY: No Finns In My Backyard!

Lately there's been a lot of talk about multiculturalism. There is, however, one group that has been wholly forgotten: the notorious Finns. Forget about the Turkish, the Chinese, or any inhabitants of your favourite Islamic nation. Here come the biggest and the meanest - enter Finns.

I'll start with their unsocial nature. Whereas a representant of a more civilized nation would be happy about the daily meet & greet, an invitation for a cup of coffee, or just some stress-relieving small talk, the Finns are from the Down Under in this respect. Don't expect to be greeted by them. Actually, more likely the Finn will just avert his gaze and avoid eye contact completely. Even though their language skills are better than average, their inclination for discussions with any weird people is limited. And to a Finn, everyone but himself is a Weirdo.

Which brings me nicely to my second point: complaining. In a world filled with weirdos, the Finn can always conveniently find a source of unhappiness, discontent or just general annoyance in someone or something other than himself. And as a rule loving nation, they are quite adept in picking the most diminutive details in anything. Also, they seem to have a knack in knowing the rules of anything inside out, visible especially due to the aggressive way they relate to breaching them. So you'll be hearing about what's wrong. All the time.

As inhabitants of a cold, northern land, Finns seem to have get stuck in an era way back in some ways. This holds true especially for alcohol and aggressive behavior. The aggressive behavior has been somehow integrated in the Finnish gene, and it still is to this day held up in their society. There's even a famous song where they sing "työttömyys, viina, kirves ja perhe" (joblessness, booze, an axe and a family) and the song goes on to tell about how the father drives his family out to the snow with an axe while being completely wasted. Does that sound like normal behavior to you?

The consuption of alcohol in large amounts is also related to the unsocial nature of Finns. They can never talk without a drink. That would be fine, if the Finns wouldn't overdo this too. To them, one drink is nowhere near enough, and throughout the night consuming even a 12-pack per person is quite normal. This means that if you really want to talk to a Finn, you have a time frame of two drinks - he has already the courage to open his mouth, but isn't too drunk yet. Naturally, as they get ever more drunk, the Finnish parties get real loud. And if you, dear reader, happen to make a comment about this, you'll just be blown off and told to mind your own business. But if other people have parties when the Finns want to sleep, well, that's just wrong! Have some manners! Think about the sleeping people! So, welcome to a world of double standards.

I remember this one politician advertising, how an inhabitant registry of a building would look like, if it was full of Arabic people. Well, with Finns it gets equally bad. It'll be a building full of people, whose last name you will not be able to pronounce, ever. Just try it with "Kämäräinen" or "Pääskysalo". Yeah, I thought so.

To sum up: if you'd like drinking and complaining socially incompetent people with incomprehensible names in your neighborhood, fine. Otherwise, join the Basic Foreigners front against Finns!

No comments:

Post a Comment